I’m so nervous writing this post. I’m always nervous when it comes to writing because it’s like exposing my secrets. Exposing myself to the rest of the world that I am hideously flawed. Seriously, I’m like Mrs Bennett most of the time with all the jitters.
Anyway, let’s get the boring bits out of the way. I am 5ft2, and the smallest person in my group of friends. I am weak but I dream big. I even went to the army.
No, kidding. I just went for a 3 days taster. And I loved it. I felt like I could do anything and it gave me so much confidence about myself. I told my parents later on that I wanted to join the army. It didn’t go well. My grandma was in tears on the phone line begging me not to go. Meh . . . dramatics all of them.
Anyhow, I signed a contract on my future and studied to become an accountant. Because that’s what I do best. Y’know . . . swiveling on my chair and counting the time before I finish work.
^That’s also a joke (need to work on my sense of humour).
But not when one of my modules was this cray-cray:
Studying kinda broke my mind a little and I went nuts a few times. I didn’t have an outlet to get rid of all these negative thoughts inside me head. Some of my friends chastised me for jumping straight to ACCA professional without doing my degree first. It was a suicide mission.
So I started to dream. I created worlds in my head and lived there whenever I needed to breathe. After that, it became so easy to succumb into the universe inside my head whenever I wanted an adventure. I could feel it; my fingertips got tingly whenever I dreamt, and it was glorious.
Then one day, I rummaged through my old safe box which contained my diary, letters from penpals and old friends, and a notepad. I realised I wrote a frikkin novel when I was 12 years old.
Okay, granted it was a Beyblade fanfiction (I’m still a huge otaku) but I realised one thing. I loved writing. And I could transfer this universe inside my head to paper. I could tell the whole world!
And thus I began my journey to a completely different future.
There were ups and downs when I couldn’t transfer the story in my head and break them into words. Words I found, were difficult to express. Which words to use, how to use them, how to weave them all into perfect sentences that can break people’s heart? Then, I read my old diary written when I was an emo teen. I was gobsmacked. Those words broke me. I remember the part when I was feeling depressed (hormones seriously man, give a girl a break, ja?) but I didn’t remember the details of my depression. I had a normal family and school life, so why I felt depressed? *points fingers at my ovaries* But my diary was an eye opener. The words were raw, gritty and full of pain that my hands shook. My handwriting was the usual at the beginning of the pages but it turned angrier and angrier until the paper ripped under the pressure of the pen and filled the empty spaces with angry scrawls. There were so many emotions spilled over the pages and I could feel them crawl up my skin.
I want to write like that. I want to bring life to words. So I practiced and practiced.
I wrote Blood Reign in three weeks.
I loved the story. I loved the world building; the transition between my heroine in her contemporary world to her falling into another world. It’s a medieval world infested with monsters and cruel people. I wanted to see how this heroine could fare against death and I wanted to see how she could overcome her fears and survive. I’m a bit sadistic (sorry, Alice). I loved inflicting pain to my characters before giving them a happy ending. I wanted to see how they strive to live on despite living in a world full of bloodshed. The story took me by a storm. I lived and breathed in it.
Here’s something weird about me. I LOVE gender bender. I love seeing girls dress up as the opposite sex and confuse people. I love to see how romance blossom and a lot of mishaps like a guy thinking he’s gay for liking another guy (who’s actually a girl pretending to be a dude).
I’ve watched tons of Asian dramas about gender bender (hana kimi is one of my favourite). I tried to find books about gender bender and there weren’t many *sadface* I only remember reading the Alanna series by Tamora Pierce and Scarlet, a Robin Hood retelling.
So I wanted my heroine to disguise as a man too. It would make the storyline a lot more interesting, what’s with people thinking that she’s a hero when she’s actually a girl. ‘Wonderland’ is also a world where men rule supreme. It’s very patriarchal and women are secondary class citizens, so it’s quite a funny twist to see how they look up to Alice.
Ok, enough of my ramblings. Let’s get to the important part.
Why should you have me?
Writing is NOT a hobby. I want to make this work. I want to quit my accounting job and become a writer because I love storytelling so much. I want to bring new adventures to the rest of the world, bringing magic to their mundane lives. I want to be Sandman, who can provide hopes and dreams. Blood Reign is dark. It’s full of violence, bloodshed and death. But it also shows hope at the end of a dark tunnel. It shows friendship, compassion, and sacrifice.
I worked very hard to get this MS to where it is now and I’d love to have a mentor who can help me grow further. Y’know, make me into a butterfly and all that. I have a very thick skin so I won’t mind seeing my work being shredded apart, as long as I can pick up the pieces and turn it into a more powerful story.
Regardless if I get a mentor or not, it has been a wonderful opportunity. I met new friends, new CPs and crazy people who I adore dearly. Thank you, Brenda Drake, mentors, agents, writers and everyone else for this opportunity and fantastic experience. You guys are so damn awesome!